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Sunday, February 8th, 2004
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i have a new lj.
same exact thing, different name.
its ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) yourheartmoves
i've added i think all of you, so add me back :-D
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church was really really good tonight as always.
"Bitter words from a friend are better than sweet ones from an enemy"
"HE is the author of pleasure, WE are the authors of pain"
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i'm almost 17..
which means i'm almost 18..which is almost an adult.
ok just kidding.
what im getting at is, its really weird getting to the age when ryan left. i always think about how differnet life would be if he was still here...he would probably be married, or starting his career as..ah i almost forget..some type of super duper police investigator/detective/type thinger. he might of even had a kid by now. my whole family would be different. we just wouldn't be the same people. ryan dying is like a part of who we all are, i wouldnt be the same person if it didn't happen. id give anything to have him back, but i know thats impossible but im most greatful that I KNOW i will see him again. no matter how old i get, i will always see him as being my big brother and him being soo much older and cooler.
i will always be his little sister and he will always be my big brother. we used to lift weights together. haha i was like 10 and could bench press (or whatever its called) 90. i remember rides in his crappy honda and the music would be so loud with the windows rolled down and it was just CHAOTIC. i remember how he used to freak me and aindrea out by telling us he wasn't ryan and that he was some freaky alien who captured ryans body and we'd scream and yell and hit him until my dad would tell him to stop. i remember him coming to our room late at night and like farting in our faces or making different faces everytime he would turn the light on. i remember him telling cristin she coulnd't go to this party at the branding iron because thats the kinda brother he was. i remember our long rides in the van where me and him always had the back seat and i would sleep on the floor so he could have the whole back seat to lay down. i remember his basketball games, his soccer games, his baseball games, his proms, his girlfriends, his FRIENDS. i remember how big he was too me. i remember how i thought he was the coolest guy ever. he still is. i remember him and his obsession with the lakers and the angels. i remember visiting him at baskin robbins and him hookin me up with like the hugest ice cream. i remember the summer beach days at la jolla when he would spend allll day on the waves and only come in for lunch. i remember going to grandmas with him and him on the wave runner with andrew flipping them both off scaring andrew to death. i remember his cheesy cheesy raps he used to make up about anything and everything.
...i remember so much. i miss so much. fact is, i was 11, and im sure some memories will fade away, but there are some that i will NEVER forget. he will always be my brother and i will always be his sister.
i could easily look back on this whole situation and be bitter. its amazing the peace and comfort God can give. im not saying it was easy, it was the worst. im so proud of my mom and dad and how far they have come. im so proud of my family and how close we are. this could have torn us apart, and it almost did. but God has faith and patience and helped us through everything. i cant lie and say im thankful for the situation. but i am thankful of how God used the situation to do good and bring us closer and even save lives, i am thankful for the memories i DO have, and i am thankful Ryan is my brother. again, this will always be a part of me, and because of this i am who i am today. though, i still miss him more than anything.
Its testing the strong ones
Scarring the beautiful ones
It's holding the loved ones
One last time
(longest entry i've ever made.)
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Thursday, February 5th, 2004
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This week has been the slowest week of my life.
I've noticed lately i always seem to be rushing things, and I've realized I need to just slow down and apreeciate whats going on around me , and just live my life. I am always saying, "I can't wait until I graduate high school" and things of the like, but once I think about it, its so scary that I'm almost there. (ok so like over a year, but that is CLOSE). Yes, it is going to be great to get out of high school, especially woodcrest, but really its going to be completely different and weird. I'll be looking forward to it, but I am a bit scared. I honestly dont know what to study or do or anything, i've seriously had to just put it all on God and he's been faithful in giving me peace about my future, I just wish He could like send me a note of what Im supposed to study where im supposed to go and all that good stuff.
But as much as I want to graduate, I'm going to slow down and start apreeciating my friends and surroudings while it lasts. It seems like my childhood and early part of my youth has been completely swept under my feet. I dont know how I got here so fast and it's just crazy. I had to grow up fast, and I think I've been used to that...but i think its time just to take things as they come rather then anticipating whats to come so much. Its been hard for me to do that, I always need to know what I need to do and be organized about it, and Im used to just going through things so fast, so i've really just had to put everything on God. I remember being about 6 or 7 and thinking about when I'd be an only child and all my siblings would be away at college or whatever, and thinking that was forever away and almost like it owuld never come. well it has, and honestly i don tlike it that much because i love being around people, especially my family..but lately i've had a lot of time to myself to think and reflect on who I really am and what I want in life. It can be lonely, and this is why I busy myself with things..but I know I'll be grateful for it when I look back. Thats the way it always is isn't it? I'll be greatful for this situation when I look back, or I'll know why Im going through this when I look back. When will I really look back though?
my birthday is march 15 !
i'm looking foward to it. :-D
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Monday, February 2nd, 2004
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i get my dads van until wednesday.
even though it feels a lot safer, more comfortable, nice and big, and you cant hear or feel the engine each time it switches gears...
...i still miss my poor little mitsubishi mirage :(
my mom told me tonight,
the cold stone i used to work at on arlington (i work at the orangecrest one) got robbed last night. it was an armed robbery and everything...it was only 3 girls working and i guess they're super traumatized. that woulda been sooooo scary i feel really bad for them. pray that they'll find the guy who did it
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Saturday, January 31st, 2004
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Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
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went to the mall, best buy, and sounds like today with jon and nick. they're so fun. i miss jon at school :(
what i bought:
1.breakfast club
2.fight club
3.no doubt-singles
4.copeland-beneath medicine tree (FINALLY!)
5.fancy black gap pants
!all in all, succesfull triip. i even got a 14 buck gift card to best buy for only 10 bucks from some guy. it was neat
now lemmeee explain: jon quinlan left woodcrest to go to MLK down the street. i completely understand him wanting to go to king..they treat him better there, and at woodcrest some teachers just looked at him like he was crap. it complelty sucks cus hes like one of my best frineds at school and im gonna miss him a looooot :( we'll still hang out though. i just got used to seeing him everyday and it was fun. I JUST LOVE HIM.
lakjdflawkenraklsdf.
i need you here like you've always been
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Sunday, January 25th, 2004
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last night was another night of fanstasticisim. ok that was dumb.
but yeah the day started out terrible because i was bummed and bored. ashley j coulnd't come out to play cus she was sick.
soooo i tell linzy im picking her up, to see a movie or so.
then jon and nick come for the ride, and we go to rent a movie at the ever scary techno loving asian video joy place. its really funny in there. you should all rent my way home. we didn't rent it, but really go see it.
so we end up at my house and jon van der poorten comes over too, and like always we dont watch any movie, and dont really do anything for that matter. we ate, played fooseball, acted dumb, and told scary stories in the dark and linzy got really scared. heheharhahre. my house is FREAKY in the dark, everyone should come over for scary story time.
we were gonna watch monsters inc, but we didn't.
we were gonna go in the spa, nick even got in these funny shorts, but we didnt.
we were gonna go climbing in my freaky ass neighborhood, but we didnt.
we were gonna go sneak jac out of her house, but we didnt.
we were gonna get some downtown university hoes, but we didn't.
moral of the story:WE HAD FUN . and i cant wait for summer so we can hang out all the time like that. YAYYYYYYYYYYYY
p.s.i need a super duper icon. lane?
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Saturday, January 24th, 2004
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a)its 248 am.
b)im still up.
c)i have gotten no sleep this week.
d)i might go to LA tomorrow for a class but id have to leave at 7 50 am. ugh.
e)im a working cold stone loser.
f)i said a while ago i was only going to post pictures. im a lying bastard.
g)i really want to go to disneyland.
h)everyone had fun tonight except me. everyone even my mom was somewhere fun.
i)CONAN o'brien was EXCEPTIONALLY hilarious tonight. i laughed my ass off. guests were:tolpher or tolfer or something gray or grey or something from that 70s show and win a date with tad hamilton, jack osbourne, and jim from camp jim. oh man it was soo funny. this show was become my late night guilty addiction.
j)im sick of annoying barbie "i am a loud 15 yr old girl who thinks its funny to be ridiclously loud and obnoxiously annoying and come to cold stone with all my other 15 yr old friends because its the only place one of our moms would take us" girls coming into our store and giving EVERYONE headaches. UGUHHH!!!
k)i read my horoscope in ym magazine, because thats how pathetic i am. it says i will be a "galore of boys in march". this better be true, dammit.
l)i really wish there was a school like the one on the o.c. my gosh.
m)jon quinlan is really leaving woodcrest.
n)i hate those looks people give you that just make you feel utterly stupid. just me?
o) at work tonight i muttered "its times like this where i wish i had gum" and brittany(manager at cold stone)
looked at me and was like "WHAT? a gun??" and i laughed and said "no some gum". she thought i was gonna shoot her then myself. apparently.
z)i skipped a few letters. if you cared..ok you dont.
y)ok one more thing. in conclusion-i overanalyze way too much. i wish life right now could be a little less boring and my mind a little more simple. shit i make no sense.
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Friday, January 23rd, 2004
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I was reading in a magazine article about the show Newlyweds (one of my favorite shows..), and Jessica Simpson said that their show was different from the Osbournes because you can relate to their marriage and what they've been going through and that the Osbournes was more like adams family and not many people can relate. or something of the like.
ANYWAYS, i was thinking...
ok who do you relate to more?
A)a couple who have been married for like a year..and are extremely famous, already millionaires and already have a ridiculously huge mansion and basically have their lives made for them...
OR
B)a family with weird as hell parents..with therefore weird kids who are always fighting with eachother and yet its all extremely funny to watch...
id say B.
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Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
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i went to youth group tonight...! it was fun because the coolest people were there
linzyyyyyyy.
jacquelynnn.
ashley bird.
shelby from like 6th grade.
jonnn q.
niick. ((who is so sweet he like marked everything on his bible notes for linzy and i to study from.))
kyle.
blair!
selena.poor girl :(
whitney & tyler. heheahadk.
and probably more.
but the reason for this entry is, i absolutley love my friends. the only person i missed was ashley jefferson. after youth group jac and linzy were screaming hardcore songs in the car, they are the funnest girls, and SO FREAKING LOUD! but i love em.
-ahem---
GIRLS night out. me, linzy, jac, ashley j, and whoever else wants to come. we are going to find new cooool friends!! and just be retarded. and fun. well fun to us, probably annoying to you. haha and plus i hang out with guys too much its time for a girls night. AHH HOW FUn it'll just be like a 6th grade sleepover or something. we'll definitley take pictures, because i must say, my friends are super hot. hahaha i LOVE EM!!!!!
ps. i really want to go to the show this friday. bleeding through and sinai beach. but DAMMIT i have to wooork. ok my mom and cj's parents are even going. everyone is going and i want to see cj (hes officialy my brother. i love him.) peform because its fun, and the only hardcore shows i ever go to. so while EVERYONE EVEN MY MOM is HAVING FUN I HAVE TO WORK!
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Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
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theres a few things going on in my life or people close to me that really need prayer...
-my moms best friend melody, who is a single mother with 4 kids in North Carolina has really bad breast cancer, and she just had surgery today. its not looking too good, and it would kill their family if she died or if things got worse. and its been hard for my mom because she cant be there for her.
-my sister aindrea is getting more and more serious pain in her stomach and if it gets worse she might need surgery
-my best friend ashley jeffersons mom just had surgery on her back and knee...and she'll have to leave work for 3 months
-and of course my dog because he still doesn't use his leg after 2 weeks of surgery
itd be a lot of help if you guys helped me pray for these situations..thank you :)
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Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
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HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
everytime i think of conan obrien
I LAUGH
HES SO RIDICULOUSLY HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!
um and on another note
"the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love and be loved in return"
ahem i want to be loved :(
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Sunday, January 11th, 2004
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I have to tell you..
I am reading the most interesting thing ever.
kurt cobain journals
"to be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important, sacred or valuable. To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility. To translate opinions in an obvious search for proof of intelligence abusive use of obscure descriptive words is a desperational will to sincere, yet retarded expression."kurt cobain.
uh woaa.
hes a really good writer. interesting, funny, very descriptive and can be very deep.
i haven't really listened to any of his music, but after reading this i definitley will.
bye.
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Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
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Amaaaaaaaazing movie.
i cried like 5 times.
i want to be a hobbit and marry frodo baggins and go with him and gandalf out to sea whever that goes. aw.
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Friday, January 2nd, 2004
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my new years eve was splendiiiiiiid.
we had a photoshoot :-D
aw best friend picturee :)))))))
i love andrew
( more pictures )
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Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
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so i got a sweeeeeeeeeeeeet new digital camera for christmas.
its really small and really great and better than yours.
so anyways im just going to post pictures from now on, maybe a comment here and there, but basically just pictures.
because basically writing about your life on an online journal is boring and stupid and pictures are way funner.my pictures will suck at first, im new but they'll get better so bare with me :-D
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Saturday, November 15th, 2003
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Sorry kids. This journal is Friends only.
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good.
thankful.
contemplative.
tired.
blah.
curious.
drained.
chipper.
crazy.